I’ve been keeping under wraps a little. First letting a couple of friends see it, then my friends list, now anybody. All the entries are – so far – not blocked, or friends-locked.

Frankly, it’s been a blast, and I look forward to keeping it up.

This

is the kind of thing I’d rather see churches do, than telling me they support Prop. 8.

Screwtape’s Blog

Comments are appreciated, but please leave them here.

The laws of God, the laws of man
He may keep that will and can
Not I: Let God and man decree
Laws for themselves and not for me;

And if my ways are not as theirs
Let them mind their own affairs.
Their deeds I judge and most condemn
Yet when did I make laws for them?

Please yourselves, Say I, and they
Need only look the other way.
But no, they will not; they must still
Wrest their neighbor to their will,

And make me dance as they desire
With jail and gallows and hellfire
And how am I to face the odds
Of man’s bedevilment and God’s?

I, a stranger and afraid
In a world I never made
They will be master, right or wrong;
Though, both are foolish, both are strong

And since, my soul, we cannot flee
To Saturn or to Mercury
Keep we must, If we can
These foreign laws of God and man.

A.E. Housman

I started a new blog, more of a literary blog than this one, and I called it Screwtape’s Blog. I was driving around last night and it occurred to me that looking at things from a demon’s perspective might be kind of instructive. At least the way I’ve been thinking about it, anyway. So I started the blog, and added a couple of entries, including Screwtape’s first official entry.

The only entries on the blog are not hidden, but in the future, I might make them ‘Friends Only,’ if anybody cares. I don’t know at this point.

Anyway, take a look and let me know what you think.

Screwtape Starts a Blog

Additionally, plot holes you could drive a truck through. I don’t know much about Mayan, but I find it awfully convenient that the word “x” in the language, also means “y.” This plot device came up more than once, “cradle” means “grave” – “treasure” means “knowledge.” “Hokey” means “inspired.”

And let’s talk about ants! Siafu ants, as Jones called them [I've always heard them referred to as 'army ants.'], live in Africa. Nowhere near Peru, oddly enough.

Even John Williams seemed to be having an off day, re-hashing his themes from the original movies, and adding bits from more recent ones, War of the Worlds music being the biggest standout.

Just bad.

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you. I think I realized it the first of May at the mental hospital and I saw you carve your initials into my father. I’m sure you’re man enough to understand that there is no solution to this. I’m returning your memories from the military service to you, but I’ll keep Your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I am better off without hating the Boston Celtics.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Ty

Dear (so and so):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue – Our romance is over
Red – Our affair is over
White – I’ll join the monastery
Black – I dislike you
Green – Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey – You’re a pervert
Yellow – I’m selling myself
Pink – Your nostrils are insulting
Brown – The mafia wants you
No shirt – You’re a loser
Other – I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January – That night
February – Last year
March – When your dwarf bit me
April – When I tripped on sesame seeds
May – First of May
June – When you put cuffs on me
July – When I threw up
August – When I saw the shrunken head
September – When we skinny dipped
October – When I quoted Santa
November – When your dog ran amok
December – When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos – In your apartment
Pizza – In your camping car
Pasta – Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers – Under the bus
Salad – As you ate enchilada
Chicken – In your closet
Kabob – With Paris Hilton
Fish – In women’s clothing
Sandwiches – At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna – At the mental hospital
Hot dog – Under a state of trance
None of the above – With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow – Hit on
Red – Insult
Black – Ignore
Blue – Knock out
Purple – Pour syrup on
White – Carve your initials into
Grey – Pull the clothes off
Brown – Put leeches on
Orange – Castrate
Pink – Pull the toupee off
Barefoot – Sit on
Other – Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black – My best friend
White – My father
Grey – Bill Clinton
Brown – My fart balloon
Purple – My mustard soufflé
Red – Donald Duck
Blue – My avocado plant
Yellow – My penpal in Ghana
Orange – My Kid Rock-collection
Pink – Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None – My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other – The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs – Man
O.C. – Emotional
One Tree Hill – Open
Heroes – Frostbitten
Lost – High
House – Scarred
Simpsons – Cowardly
The news – Mongolic
Idol – Masochistic
Family Guy – Senile
Top Model – Middle-class
None of the above – Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy – How awful I’ve felt
Sad – How boring you are
Bored – That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry – That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed – That we’re cousins
Excited – That there is no solution to this.
Nervous – The middle-east
Worried – That your Honda sucks
Apathetic – That I did a sex-change
Ashamed – That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly – That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous – That I’m open
Other – That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White – Your ring
Yellow – Your love letters
Red – Your Darth Vader-poster
Black – Your tame stone
Blue – The couch cushions
Green – The pictures from LA
Orange – Your false teeth
Brown – Your contact book
Grey – Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple – Your old lottery coupons
Pink – The cut toenails
Other – Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B – Your photo
C/D – The oil stocks
E/F – Your neighbour Martin
G/H – My virginity
I/J – The results of your blood-sample
K/L – Your left ear
M/N – Your suicide note
O/P – My common sense
Q/R – Your mom
S/T – Your collection of butterflies
U/V – Your criminal record
W/X – David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z – Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B – Always will remember
C/D – Never will forget
E/F – Always wanted to break
G/H – Never openly mocked
I/J – Always have felt dirty before
K/L – Will tell the authorities about
M/N – Told in my confession today about
O/P – Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R – Told my psychiatrist about
S/T – Get sick when I think of
U/V – Always will try to forget
W/X – Am better off without
Y/Z – Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer – Senility
Soft drink – A new life as a clone
Soda – The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk – The apartment building
Wine – Cocaine abuse
Cider – A passionate interest for mice
Juice – Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water – Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate – Eggplant-fetishism
Whiskey – To ruin the second world war
Other – To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm regards
USA – Best regards
England – Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain – Go and drown yourself
China – Disgusting regards
Germany – With ease
Japan – Go burn
Greece – Your everlasting enemy
Australia – Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Fuck off now
France – In pain
Other – Greetings to your freaky family.